W I had this one directory of Stories That Were Always Oozing Out that were always oozing out over fences peering back over with their eyes and grinning goodbye in their secret evil ways but until Cameron hit me up to collect them I never knew what they could look like all in place well this is what it looks like utterly sharklessso to keep in interesting for me here is a review of every story in facial expressions and you will forgive me for not putting on makeup for this or trying to look all glamorous it s too hot and i have too many books to review to get any fancier than this Good Times dog nipple ewThe Age of Hasty Retreats interesting advice for surviving the zombie apocalypseMy Hero i don t think i have a single emotion in response to this story of cubicle heroismHow Billy Hanson Destroyed the Planet Earth and Everyone On It not sure i fully understood this one story notes because yeah i always read the story notes what of it say I wanted to see if you could actually use stars gravity to look through like a tunnel Turns out you can but you shouldn t That seems to be the story a lot of the time reallythe parts i understood i likedLittle Monsters i liked this one short but cute my suinty eye is meant to convey how short the story is The Half Life of Parents weird but fun creepysweetOld Meat i liked this one a lot a great spin on a known mythology also great titleNearer to Thee i didn t think i was going to like this one at first but it won me over with its slow reveal that is a gradual smile suffering from technical limitationsJumpersi ll let m skellington take this onei m interested but what does it meanThe Sea of Intranuility i love all the amplified noir stuff married to the sci fi She settled into this tall chair I had back then crossed her legs like she d ust flunked out of leg crossing school At least the one for ladiesI would have lit her cigarette for her except for the bans Everybody was afraid of lighting the atmosphere on fire againbut like with so many stories in this collection he lost me somewhere along the way you know giant space lobsters and allThis is Not What I Meant no fucking clue manThe Case Against Humanity this one i liked a lot bitterlyHell on the Homefront Too definite thumbs upI Was a Teenage Slasher Victim definite two thumbs up but these are selfies and no one knows how to work a camera timerThe Many Stages of Grief this one i found very disuieting and surreal but oddly affecting story notes say This is the one where the main character is me without any hiding at all Not even a little which only intensifies my feelings of disuietCatch and Release lovedSubmitted for Your Approval loved like candyDeathtrap Whirlpool very cool food for thoughtand i like the idea of a future in which all the big problems hungers war disease oil math that s all been solved by then Like generations ago SeriouslyZombie Sharks with Metal Teethno lies begrudgingly i must admit i enjoyed it but still lies Rocket Man fun stephen king ish coming of age story with zombies i approve i am however running out of different faces for the liking of thingsBecause My Therapist Asked Me to Tell a Story Using Hamsters gross weird fun my kind of funThe Calorie Doctor best half page story ever suinchy eyes meant to convey how this one is even shorter than that other short one i liked so there you have it a book reviewta dr a bit of a mixed bag for my particular tastes and some editing malfunctions it must be noted including a typo in the very first sentence of the very first story COME ON and an overuse of the word bilateral but otherwise a bunch of stories i am glad i read even if there were zero sharks for shark weektoo adorable didn t readcome to my blo. Art rending ways And yeah there are hamsters I'll ust say it Jones went off the deep end this time But it's thrilling to watch an artist dive into their mind's Marianas Trench and return with exploding oceanic oddities Coltrane going from devilish smooth to full stellar suonk Aphex Twin going from ambient pharmacist to robot brain masher And here Intrepid Writer Stephen Graham Jones going from the assured human horror of earlier collection THE ONES THAT GOT AWAY to the outstanding aberrations of ZOMBIE SHARKS WITH METAL TEETH From the introduction by Jeremy Robert Johnson author of We Live Inside You. ,
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4 stars for meThis was an extremely fun and experimental collection from Stephen Graham Jones This is unlike anything else I ve read by him but at the same time it has that typical conversational camp fire tale that is distinctive to SGJ and that is one of he reasons why I love reading his work so much It also has some Jones regular creatures such as zombies and werewolves but done in a very uniue and interesting way Let s talk about the individual storiesGood Times I dont have anything to say about this one really at least it
s really short Never want to read about dog nipples though 15The Agereally short Never want to read about dog nipples though 15The Age Hasty Retreats This was an awesome zombie story with some very interesting advice on what to do in the event of an apocalypse Not a huge zombie fan but I am when SGJ writes about them 45My Hero I really liked this story and I ve never read an SGJ one like it Cubicle heroism for the win 55How Billy Hanson Destroyed the Planet Earth and Everyone On It I liked this one a lot especially the image of a man looking through a telescope and seeing an alien looking back at him 45Little Monsters An oddly cute story about a family sending their monster daughter off to school 45The Half Life of Parents A creepy puppet story though I didnt really get it until I read the story notes at the end 35Old Meat Definitely one of my favourites here if not my favourite I ve come to the conclusion that SGJ is my favourite living writer in regards to werewolves Kind of a bittersweet feel to this one too 55Nearer to Thee This one had kind of a cool concept but didnt really stick out to me 35Jumpers I loved the weirdness of this one and the seeming existentialism but I m not sure if I really understood it 35The Sea of Intranuility This is a completely bizarre story involving space lobsters and giant snow crabs but it was an absolute blast to read and is unlike anything I ve read 55This Is Not What I Meant I didnt really get this one and Definitely going to be reading this collection What s Better Than Zombie SharksPretty much everything in this book actually The Age of Hasty Retreats is one of the most powerful zombie stories of the decade I had read the story in it s previous extended form as published in Weird Tales a while back That version was tight But this is tighter Just the centerpiece which stands alone nicely unforgettably But don t mistake this for a collection of zombie stories It s all over the place demonstrating the versatility of Stephen Graham Jones Strange crime stories that morph into sci fi Mad scientists Hamsters And likely the best homage to 80s slasher movies you ll ever the best homage to 80s slasher movies you ll ever Very high marks on the creativity in the collection It was crafted so well like each line was highly thought out with the excess trimmed away The voice of the author really comes through for me here and I welcome much Read 101113 1030134 Stars Strongly Recommended to fans of the bizarro because here there be loads of it161 Pages EbookIf ever a title both caught my attention and caused me confusion this is it I ve never read anything by Jones previously and I certainly plan to rectify that in the very near future The writing people The writing is phenomenal in this incredibly fucked up kind of wayDude s got a great way of working out the bizarre to make it seem ust normal enough and oh my GAWD the opening story with the dad and his son It pulled every fucking heart string I had and I wasn t sure I could continue reading the rest of the stories if there was a chance that they were going to be even remotely similar but the curiosity was killing me so I threw myself headfirst into it allJones is like a mad scientist rolling up his sleeves to play elbow deep with his cre. If you've never been inside a giant space lobster well I don't recommend itMixing doughnuts and the walking dead proves to be a deadly combination in Stephen Graham Jones' latest novel Zombie Bake Off a slim volume of experimental fiction that wastes no time or word count on superfluous detail or arbitrary introspective riff raff Jones constructs a bare bones horror tale by combining clever offbeat humor with a familiar yet unpredictable plot RUE MORGUE on Zombie Bake Off by Stephen Graham JonesMuch like the mad but brilliant scientists in this collection's titular story Jones has created the tales he. .
Ations before strangling them uietly to death and burying them deep in the ground where they ll Read this now now very now Terrific glimpse into the eclectic mind of the brilliant Stephen Graham Jones who does it all with humor gore sci fi horror giant lobster hard drives baseball playing undead time lobster hard drives baseball playing undead time game shows and yeah zombie sharks with metal teeth too n this collection there is a story about a family of hamsters that will bring a tear to your eye I don t know if you can say that about any other book on the market But then you couldn t find a story like any of those contained in Zombie Sharks With Metal Teeth anywhere elseWhat we have here basically are heartbreaking methods of avoiding being devoured by zombies bestiality superheroes bullied in the workplace scientists bringing around the end of the world monster building and a werewolf in old age And this is in the first 38 pagesNone of the 23 stories here are ones you will feel you have read before because Stephen Graham Jones writes about these things in a way that no one else does Or could for that matter His voice is strong and fresh and never grows tiresome It s a voice that if like me you have to read it over a period of days you will find yourself looking forward to the time you get to spend in his worldsThe reason for this is that there s a level of human feeling running through these stories that s hard to achieve in any short story let alone one about a man whose eye ball has been eaten by his dog because he pretended to eat from the dog s bowl Jones takes his stories and characters seriously They are not gimmicks or tricks designed to show off how smart he is He is not using weird fiction as a disguise for something elseThis is weird fiction written on the level of anything I ve read this year It is weird fiction written with heart intelligence and skill We are talking about a book that is as good or in my opinion better than anything you will read by George Saunders Michael Chabon Jonathan Lethem or the stuff pumped out by McSweeney s and the likeReading this collection I kept thinking this is the best book of short stories I ve read this yearHell it s one of the best books I ve read all year Something between 3 to 4 this one There were some incredible histories that really showed the amazing writing of Mr Jonesbut there were others that i couldn t fully understand Call me dumb if you want but yeah this is a good book come enjoy the many faces of karen SO since i am was reading only shark related books for shark week and i somehow hadn t realized this was a book of short stories and not an entire book about zombie sharks with metal teeth my plan was to read the whole book but only review the titular story only i can t even do THAT because of LIES it is NOT a story about zombie sharks with metal teeth at all but towards the end there s a half veiled reference to something that could happen given circumstances which is definitely not enough content to generate a review so thanks for that mr ones although i in the acknowledgments because yeah i always read the acknowledgments what of it i learned that cameron pierce is to blame for the collection s and presumably the story s title since ones claims My title was as is often the case stupid stupid it may have been but at least it wouldn t have led me to stray off course on my sharks only reading path i feel like such a fraudso now i gotta review this in some way this is a collection of bibs and bobs that PaddedKINK 1 jones wrote over a period of time and in a variety of styles that didn t seem to fit anywhere or as the acknowledgments state because i must gonna review the acknowledgments apparently I kne. Re with experimental glee yielding an astonishing assortment of mutated manuscripts The investigational 'Let's see what happens' mentality at play in this collection means that the story about gigantic soul storing moonshrimp will also be told by a dime store PI It means that elderly love and parenting are monster mashed to deeper meaning It means Kafka goes corporate inspector basset hounds get sexy and the aliens are popping up everywhere It means you'll get your Raymond Carver via dog food therapy and the Please Let It Just Fucking Die world of zombie fiction gets repurposed twice in beautifully he. .